Does it seem impossible for you to stop yelling at your kids? You CAN make changes to stop yelling at your kids and be a calm parent!

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Anger is a tricky emotion. It’s important and can be helpful, but also can get out of control easily. As parents, we want to model calm, mature reactions to problematic situations. Flying off the handle and yelling and screaming is not only not helpful, but will set a bad example for your children.

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Babies and little children can poke all of our hot spots and emotions and drive us crazy some times. Personally, I struggle with anger and yelling at my girls, but I’m consciously making steps to be a calmer parent and make an effort to model good anger management techniques for my kids.

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Here are some things you can to do stop yelling at your kids and be a calm parent:

1. Know Your Triggers

Do you yell when:

• you are running late?
• you have too many things to do at once?
• kids are screaming (even if they are having fun?)?
• too many kids are asking you too many questions at once?
• sleep-deprivation takes over?
• the house is a mess?

2. Work Around Your Triggers

When you know what your triggers are, you can anticipate them and have a plan for working around them.

• If being late sets you off, plan ahead and add extra time.
• If you have too many things to do, delegate jobs and make a list in the morning to help keep you on task during the day.
• If yelling kids trigger you, ask them to speak calmly and softly before you can answer them.
• If you yell when you are sleep deprived, make sleep a priority. Schedule a nap in your day.
• If you yell when your house is messy, schedule regular clean-up times or take a 5-10 minute break and tidy up right now.

Related: Simple tips to organized home

3. Check Your Emotional Temperature

Think of your emotional temperature as a range from 1-10 (1 = calm as can be, 10 = out of control emotions). Keep a check on your internal emotional temperature throughout the day. You can have a small notebook where you log your emotional temperature from 1-10. When you notice your temperature starting to rise, take steps to cool down and consciously lower it.

Related: Raising Emotionally Intelligent Children

4. Check your thoughts

During the day, are you thinking things like:

• “These kids are driving me crazy!”
• “I can’t stand my life!”
• “I hate how they are so demanding!”

Changing your thought patterns can help (but it’s hard to do!):

• “They have a lot of energy. I need to let them run outside.”
• “I’m having a bit of a hard day. I need to regroup and plan something fun for later.”
• “My kids really seem to need extra help today. They might be having a tough day too.”

5. Give Kids a Warning

If you know that your emotional temperature is rising, tell your children. Sometimes I’ll tell my girls things like “I’m starting to feel frustrated because…” This helps you to be conscious of your own emotions and notify your children that you are out of sorts.

6. Give Yourself a Time Out

I’ve been known to shut myself in the bathroom for a few minutes to “get away” and have a “break” (to pee in peace – ha!).
If you feel like your emotions are getting out of control, get away, take a break, and try to regroup.
Some small ways to do this:

• put a short show on for your kids so you can step away for a few minutes
• get yourself a cup of tea or coffee
• take some deep, slow breaths (slows your heart rate and helps you calm down)
• put on some soothing music
• do some quick exercises (several jumping jacks, stretches, etc.) (reduces stress)

7. Model Calm Behavior

When your emotions are high, before you speak, stop and consciously take a few deep breaths. If your kids see you do this, they’ll learn to do this too (eventually!). My 4 year old sometimes does this on her own without prompting.
We like to watch the PBS show, Daniel Tiger, and in one episode, Daniel sings: “When you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breath and count to four.” My daughters and I have done this many times (or reminded each other to do this). Yes, my girls will sometimes remind me to take a deep breath and count to four when they notice I’m getting upset (or have already started yelling.)

For example: Take a deep breath and explain your emotions to your kids *deep, slow breath* “I feel very irritated because I’ve asked you to put your shoes on and you’re not listening. We need to leave right now”. The key is to remain calm.

8. Teach Lessons When You Are Calm

Don’t beat yourself up when you yell and don’t model calm. When you and your kids are calm, talk about what happened and what you should have done differently.

9. Adjust Expectations

Most little kid behavior is normal.

Small children are figuring out:

• how to manage emotions and conflict (by squabbling with siblings)
• how the world works (by flushing items down the toilet, seeing what crayons look like on the wall)
• how you will react (when they do these things).

As a parent, your job is to be calm, set appropriate boundaries, explain and repeat, repeat, repeat!

10. Be Prepared

Do your kids always have a meltdown when shopping in the afternoon? Make sure to bring snacks for them so they don’t get hangry and irritable and cause you to lose your cool.

Do you know that your preschooler can’t handle late night events? Don’t take her out or hire a babysitter instead.

Do you always get irritated when you put the kids to bed? Deliberately plan a soothing, calm activity (for yourself!) before starting the bedtime routine.

Related: How to Prevent Tantrums

11. Meet Your Own Needs

I notice that I often yell because I feel overwhelmed by the amount of piled on tasks, or excessive stress, or because I haven’t had any time to myself. I need to make sure that I make an effort to meet my own needs on a regular basis.

12. Apologize

It’s so important to model sincere, heartfelt apologies. You need to repair relationships with your kids in order to help them heal and also to show them healthy ways of repairing relationships.
If you yell or scream at your kids, sincerely apologize to them as soon as possible. Talk about the situation and tell them what you wish you had done differently (this also helps your brain to remember what you should do next time).

13. Ask Your Kids to Help You

I have often asked my 4 year old to tell me to stop yelling and be calm. She will often call me out when I’m grumpy or yelling. It’s both humbling and helpful.

For example, she will often stop me when I’m angry or irritated at her little 2 year old sister and say “Mom, stop being grumpy with her. You need to say nicely to her ‘Would you please stop banging that toy?'” or something similar.

Related: How to teach kids to be kind

14. Keep Your Expectations Realistic

You won’t do this perfectly, but don’t give up. Your kids will be kids – don’t expect perfection of them. Often I expect my kids to listen the first time and not be noisy at all. yeah. right. You’ll both mess up often. Keep getting up, apologizing, and moving forward. You can do it!

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15. Get Professional Help

Last, but not least, if you need to, find a good therapist and get professional help. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed. I have gone to therapy for personal problems and to improve my parenting. I found it very helpful!

If you are going through a particularly tough time, you might need to work through this with the help of a qualified professional in order for you to be able to move forward with changing your parenting patterns.

For further in-depth reading, check out these great parenting books:

Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Laura Markham

The Whole Brain Child by Daniel Siegel

In conclusion, realize that you have to model everything for your child. If you yell, they will learn to yell. But if they see you working on changing your behavior and stopping the yelling, they will also learn to do the same. This will take a lot of repetition and modeling and patience (on your part!). Just when I think I’m making progress, I fail. Then, I apologize, get up and try again. You can stop yelling at your kids and be a calm parent!

Recap: Stop Yelling at Your Kids and Be a Calm Parent

1. Know your triggers
2. Work around your triggers
3. Check your emotional temperature
4. Check your thoughts
5. Give kids a warning
6. Give yourself a time out
7. Model calm behavior
8. Teach lessons when you are calm
9. Adjust expectations
10. Be prepared
11. Meet your own needs
12. Apologize
13. Ask your kids to help you
14. Keep your expectations realistic
15. Get professional help

Imagine a boisterous, super active Labrador running and playing around the house. Your Labrador will play with every object, jump all the time, and even bump into people. This can become a little too much to deal with at times. So you’d want your Labrador to calm down a bit.

If you’re getting a Labrador for the first time, it is important to understand their temperament. Labrador owners prepared for the type of dog they’re getting do much better in the long run. Unaware owners are completely surprised by the energy these adorable dogs have.

I believe the only time a lab is calm is when they’re born. As soon as they get used to their surroundings, they’d turn into hyperactive dogs. They can be a pretty handful if you don’t know how to calm them down.

So do Labradors ever calm down? You’d be happy to know that Labradors will generally calm down as they grow older. Even though these dogs have a long puppyhood, they start settling down between two and four years of age.

But if you’re looking for a calm dog that would spend its days on the couch doing nothing, a labrador may not be the best dog for you.

However, there could be exceptions to the norm. Every dog has a distinct personality. So the key to keeping everything under control is to know your dog and learn a few general tactics to keep hyper Labradors calm.

This article has all the information you’re looking for.

Do Labradors Really Calm Down – What to Expect

As mentioned earlier, Labradors would eventually calm down as they grow older. However, do not expect them to be mature anytime soon. A two-year-old Labrador is still very much of a puppy with high levels of energy and exuberance. So when you want to know if Labradors really calm down, there are a few things you need to understand.

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First of all, what do you expect from a Labrador when you want them to be calm? Do you want your dog to be quiet and sitting in one place most of the time? A Labrador can’t do that. They are an enthusiastic and energetic breed of dogs.

Then what does a calm Labrador means?

Keeping every dog’s distinct personality in mind, a Labrador will show different energy levels at various stages of life. As a puppy, he may behave extremely enthusiastic and excited, but during senior years, a lab may behave more settled and calm.

But you cannot expect this to happen naturally. There are a few things you need to do as an owner to keep things under control.

So before we could jump to the things you can do to calm your Labrador down, learn more about this dog breed.

Energetic or Hyper – Understanding Your Labrador

There’s a difference between a happy dog and a hyper one. If your lab is running uncontrollably, jumping and nipping on people, is always boisterous – those are not the signs of a happy dog.

You have a hyper dog!

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A hyper dog is unbalanced and finds it difficult to control that behavior. Keeping your dog engaged and giving him an outlet for their high levels of energy is crucial. But controlling the behavior should be your first priority. Playing with a hyper dog can lead to aggressive situations.

While labs do calm down as they mature, if you have a hyper dog, he may remain anxious throughout. Focus on these symptoms to find out whether your dog is hyper or just happy:

• Destructive behavior
• Excessive barking
• Excessive whining
• Restless behavior
• Short attention span
• Excessive reaction to a routine stimulus
• Too much panting
• Excessive nipping on people
• Abnormal behavior such as chasing its own tail or spinning in circles

All of these are symptoms of a hyper dog.

Here’s a great video on training a Labrador puppy that you must check out:

Then Why Do You Keep a Labrador?

Because these are behavioral issues that can be fixed. The breed is generally happy and highly active. But there are many other reasons why you should keep a Labrador.

Labradors have an amazing personality. They’re one of the best family dogs as they’re gentle with children.

This loyal dog will become an active member of your family in no time.

• Labradors offer great companionship. If you want a dog that will be glued to you, a Labrador is your best choice.
• Their love and devotion is abundant and never wavers.
• They love water and would love to play in the water.
• Labradors love to chill out and cuddle with you once they’ve expended all their energy.
• While they’re not suitable guard dogs, they can be highly protective of their owner.

Overall, Labradors are very friendly dogs that you’d love to have around.

How to Calm a Labrador – Everything You’d Want To Know

If you observe the above-mentioned symptoms, you need to help your dog. It is best to start shaping your lab’s personality while they’re still young. While labs tend to settle with time, a hyperactive behavior will not get fixed by itself.

Thankfully, there are ways to calm your Labrador and train them accordingly. We will help you learn these tactics to deal with the behavioral issues.

The Energy Outlet

In simple words, exercise your Labrador. As I always say, a tired dog is a happy dog – especially if you have an active one like a Lab.

Basically, Labradors are highly energetic dogs. They were initially bred for demanding work like assisting their owners to pull fish nets off the coast, or retrieving escaping fish while working in ice-cold water all day long. That has been their genetic makeup for centuries.

In modern days, they’re not expected to work like their ancestors. In fact, it is unfortunate if they’re stuck with owners that have a sedentary lifestyle. You cannot expect a Labrador to sit idle all day next to you.

If your dog becomes bored or irritated, he will naturally become hyper. Therefore, it is crucial for Labradors to receive enough exercise and playtime. They need it as an outlet to vent out their energy. Once they’re tired and happy, it will prevent the unwanted, destructive behavior.

Take Control

This is more about training your dog by taking control. In case the situation gets out of hand, you should be in a position to control your dog with a leash. Your dog needs to know who the owner is. Having more control will shape better behavior.

Teach your dog to follow instructions like a simple ‘No’. If your dog gets too energetic or naughty, you should firmly say ‘No’. Such behavior keeps them calm and in control.

However, being an owner doesn’t mean you should scold or beat your dog if hyper. This isn’t advisable or necessary. The right body language should be able to make your lab understand not to carry on with the behavior.

Encourage Mental Stimulation

Labradors require more than physical activities. Provide your dog with mental stimulation too. Engaging your dog with social interactions, interactive toys, and play dates with other dogs are some more ways to keep them relaxed and calm.

Social interaction is essential for your friendly lab. Games and other playful activities keep them mentally engaged. Playing fetch and training your dog to retrieve is also a great way to encourage mental stimulation.

Behavior Modification

Reinforcing positive behavior works wonders with Labradors. Labs love attention and they can go to any extent for appreciation and rewards.

When you train your Labrador to wait patiently and stay calm, reward your dog for the positive behavior. This will encourage your dog to modify his behavior and be calmer.

Simultaneously, ignoring unwanted behavior discourages them as it doesn’t get them anything, not even your attention.

Train Them to Relax

Use words like ‘relax’ or ‘calm’ to train them accordingly. These commands will help you take control of the situation in case your dog becomes too hyper or aggressive.

Use these words often, especially during grooming sessions to keep them relaxed. Since grooming is a relaxing experience for dogs, use these words while you’re brushing them to make them follow the command.

Change Playing Habits

If you notice your dog becoming too excited or naughty when you play certain games, avoid them. If you become too excited or rough, they will reciprocate. Figure out other ways to play with your lab to keep them in control.

It is natural for Labradors to become too excited as they’re playing with their favorite person. If you think this is encouraging the wrong behavior, look for other games that help your dog regain control and stay calm.

If managing the behavior indoors is difficult, take your playtime activities outside. This will help them utilize their energy quicker and feel happier.

This video has some amazing tips on how to calm hyper and excited dogs. Do check it out:

Is Labrador the Right Dog For Me – Find out!

Whether a Labrador is the right dog for you is your decision.

These super-friendly, intelligent dogs make great companions. But if you’re someone with a very tight work schedule, a sedentary lifestyle, or a person who likes to stay indoors, think again before getting a Labrador.

This highly energetic dog needs proper exercise and training to stay fit, calm, and happy. To grow into solid large dogs, they require time, attention, and training.

If you do not have the time to invest in a Labrador, don’t put yourself or the dog in an uncomfortable situation. Like naughty little kids, these dogs can be a handful and need guidance through puppy years.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can I get a Labrador as my first dog?

Labradors make a good dog for beginners as long as the owners are willing to learn about the breed and train them accordingly. These intelligent and playful dogs with friendly temperaments make them rewarding pets for first-time owners. However, they’re highly energetic dogs, which means they’d do better with extra attention and lots of exercise.

Can I leave my Labrador alone while I am away at work?

Training is the key!

Labradors are super excited dogs, which may lead to aggressive, unwanted behavior if not handled in time. Also, they can take up to four years to get out of puppyhood and can be a handful without proper training.

However, they’re highly intelligent dogs that respond well to training. So if you do that job well, you can leave your Labrador alone for long periods.

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What’s could go wrong with owning a Labrador?

Not enough exercise and too much confinement can lead to destructive behavior and rambunctiousness. Generally, they are good-natured, friendly dogs, but things can take a wrong turn if you don’t train them well or allow them to vent out their pool of energy.